Let Me Walk Upon the Waters

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGRz2BJQRXU

If you've been a contemporary Christian for more than three days, chances are you've sung the song "Oceans" by Hillsong about sixteen times already. It was all the rage when it came out a few years ago, and it's still popular. Everyone seems to think it was their personal theme song.

Know why? Because it is. It's a song about trusting the Lord in when it appears to be impossible to trust Him, simply because you are His, and He is yours.  It's a song about wanting to go deeper in faith, about the desire to be the one who gets out of the boat to walk on water. All of us are pre-programmed to have that desire, for we have been "predestined for His purpose" in Christ (Ephesians 1:11). And His purpose requires a lot of trusting without seeing, a lot of confrontation of fears...and a lot of adventure.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

I've sung those lyrics over and over again, and I have a confession to make. I used to feel pretty good about myself, because when it comes to circumstantial faith--that is, moving to a new place, believing for a new job, financial breakthrough, relational breakthrough, and all the impossibilities of the physical and social world--I have been the one out front leading the charge. It's just my personality. So I used to get super into this song, not because it was a prayer, but because I felt I'd already done it. Believing for miracles? Sure, no problem. I was pridefully confident that I needed no help in this area.

But there's an element of trust that I was completely ignoring. I had no trouble believing that God was good to me in a physical sense--that He would bless me, look out for me, give me favor with superiors, give me great success. But I was still having trouble allowing Him to answer the essential questions that struck me with fear every day of my life. They are the questions I woke up every single morning asking....and, if you're honest, you probably do too:

Am I worthy to be loved?
Am I acceptable? 
Am I good enough?

The answer to those questions in my heart was usually a resounding "no"..... and, on some days, laughter from my soul with an "Of COURSE not! That's ridiculous!"

So I went to other people to satisfy those questions. We all do it. We try to belong to a group: with clothing, with music, with food, with over-scheduling, with under-scheduling--in short, with performances of any kind. We will bend over backwards, and some of us risk our very lives, to hear those words from our fellow-man: "Good job! That's impressive! We love you!" In other words, You are adequate to be accepted. You are included. You are good enough. You matter. 

Statistics say we are the most depressed and apathetic generation of all time. And it's not because of the problems of our world. It's because we are the first generation to live in a globalized world with access to so many choices about who we "want to be" that we become overwhelmed. We have more ways of expressing who we think we are (social media, YouTube, blogs, etc.); constant bombardments of choices that confuse us; a ridiculous number of avenues for rejection, all in real time and with a digital footprint we will never outlive. Never has a generation been told more often that we are valuable and believed it less. Our selection of poisons is unprecedented.

The essential problem of our generation of Americans is not war or economic crisis or political turmoil or hunger or sex trafficking or abortion.  It's an identity crisis. And we are desperate.

But back to the song.

The questions kept coming back, making me feel like a failure at work, making me feel rejected by every person in my life, making me feel as though I would never get married and have a family of my own because obviously I was too unworthy to be loved. It made me criticize others because I felt like I had to prove myself better than they or I would be ignored, thrown aside, trashed. It made me run and run on the hamster wheel of comparison. It made me evaluate every tiny mistake I made not from an objective standpoint but as a life-and-death determinant of my value. One little error could send me into crisis mode.

Sounds psycho, right? Welcome to the human condition.

I could trust Jesus to give my life direction and even meaning, but not to give me identity. And no matter how many times I told myself, "My life is hidden in Christ. It only matters what He thinks. He loves me. He thinks I'm beautiful. He thinks I am worthy."......I still struggled with those feelings of inadequacy and need for approval from other people. I couldn't talk myself out of it. I couldn't read enough self-help books. And I couldn't ignore it. I knew that God loved me, but knowing wasn't enough. In fact, trying to reason myself out of it only made it worse, because I could never convince myself; and then I would feel like even more of a failure, because if I were a "good Christian," then just believing God loved me would be enough---right? I condemned myself daily for my desire to be approved by the world, but I couldn't stop. It was like an addiction. Guilt and shame was a normal part of my existence, and it made me hate myself in the inner reaches of my being.

This thing was eating me from the inside out. Finally, I hit such a low point of misery that I cared more about getting out of it than I cared about my pride.

And that's when God could really work.

I came to Him in humility...not because I was a "good Christian" who could magically adopt a humble, Christ-like attitude, but simply because I was so miserable that I didn't care about my pride anymore. Humility is like that: you can't manufacture it. It comes only when all else fails. And God has the mercy to place it inside of us then, that we might finally surrender to Him.

I HAD to stop trying in my own strength (which had proven to be completely weak anyway) and actually trust Him to answer the questions that my soul had been asking in its deepest reaches since I was born.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

See, I think that, yes, this song is about trusting Him amidst trials; but I think the real place where "trust is without borders" is not outside of us, but inside of us. We are still trying to answer those existential questions by ourselves. And we are coming up more and more empty-handed every time.

I think the true test of trust is whether we will allow Him to take care of our addiction to the world's approval and to our own self-acceptance.

Zero percent of your value can be based on what other people think. Zero percent can be based on what you think of yourself. Zero percent can be based on your performance. Absolute zero. Your value must completely be founded in what He thinks of you. But that's way easier said than done. You have no ability to believe in your God-given value by yourself. You need His help. He is the only one who can do it. You can't think your way out of it. You can't even pray your way out of it. The only way out is to trust Him to be bigger than your own issues.

In other words, the only way out is worship.

I had to say, "Lord, I am inadequate to prove I am adequate. I can't even believe what you say about me on my own. But I trust you to be bigger than my own thoughts and failures. I'm going to stop trying to change my own way of thinking. I trust you to do it for me." Then....I just worshipped, focusing not on my inadequacies but on His goodness and His bigness over anything I could face. 

When I feel tempted to evaluate myself based on approval from others, when those critical thoughts and fears come up, all I have to do is say, "Well, Lord, You're going to take care of this." And He does.

And the freedom that has come from that, even in a few short weeks, has completely changed my life.

Before Peter stepped out on the water, He didn't say, "Jesus, stop the storm." He didn't say, "Teach me how to put my feet in so I don't sink." He didn't even say, "Give me courage to walk out there to you." He said, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water" (Matthew 14:28).

Lord, if it is You.....show us that we are acceptable.

Lord, if You are who You say You are.....show us that we are worthy to be loved.

Lord, if You are who You say You are.....show us that we matter beyond all human opinion, even our own.

He is who He says He is. You can trust Him with your identity. He will make you into something better than you ever thought you could be.

Spirit, take us deeper than our feet could ever wander--and our faith will be made stronger in the presence of our Savior.

Just in case you haven't heard this song enough, here is a remix and a cover for your listening pleasure:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cNW6_n1NRU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POK2yIO914c

Christmas Kindness (Part 2)

Do not let kindness and truth leave you; 

Bind them around your neck,

Write them on the tablet of your heart.

So you will find favor and good repute

In the sight of God and man.

--Proverbs 3:3

In my last post, I discussed a few earthly examples of kindness from the Old Testament. These showed us that biblical "kindness" happens when an authority figure steps down to show undeserved favor to someone in life-or-death danger, especially when it seems illogical or even imprudent to do so. But those were just human examples.

Now, we'll get to the good stuff: some examples from the New Testament that show us GOD'S kindness, and what it means for humanity, especially on this holiday where we celebrate its coming.

We know that the New Testament advises us to be kind to one another; that is, for brothers and sisters in the Church to treat one another with kindness, so that the world may know that we are His disciples. (Because, to be frank, if we can't treat each other kindly, then we can by no means treat the world kindly.) We are empowered by the Holy Spirit to do this. Everyone knows these verses:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law. {Galatians 5:22-23}

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, bearing with one another, and forgiving each other whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. {Colossians 3:12-13}

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. {Ephesians 4:32}

It's clear from these verses that we wouldn't know how to be kind to one another without Christ's example. It's also clear that His example has something to do with forgiveness. But what does that have to do with a baby in a manger?

Well, we saw in our OT examples that it's not kindness if it costs you nothing to give. David had to give up riches and the good opinion of others to bless Mephibosheth; Jonathan risked his life to protect David. Rahab also put her life on the line to help the Israelite spies. None of them HAD to do what they did; in fact, it would have been easier for them if they hadn't. But they had the power to rescue someone in a less fortunate position, and out of compassion, they did it. Without personal sacrifice or compassion, the action ceases to be kindness and just becomes some sterile form of moral justice.

Jesus didn't HAVE to be born as a baby. He could have descended, full-grown, from the clouds in a glitter storm, threw some lightning bolts around, and shouted, "I'm takin' back the earth, little pipsqueaks! Bow down to me! If you don't become a robot to my will, I will SQUASH you!" He would have had the authority to do that--just as David had the authority to slaughter Mephibosheth if he had wanted to. He is, after all, the King of Kings. It would have been totally just and moral for Him to complete a heavenly coup d'etat with some angelic tanks full of Holy Spirit power.

But Jesus didn't do that. He became a baby.

A BABY.

I don't know if you've spent much time around babies, but they are very small. And very helpless.

Can you imagine packaging the force that created the whole universe into a newborn human? And then wrapping that human up in old cloth and laying Him in a cow feed trough? I mean, He was probably bitten by fleas within the first hours of His life.

Can you imagine sending your own child into a dark, primitive, pre-medieval world, full of nasty diseases and a very short life expectancy? And would you send Him there knowing that He would live as a foreigner; and then He would not just be murdered, but brutally and barbarously murdered as a spectacle, an object of ridicule, for a savage audience?

I mean, these people didn't even take baths once a year. They probably never washed their socks and underwear (if they even had underwear). They were callous towards death, because it was all around them. Who could love them? Or, even more, who could send their only son--beloved and beautiful--to love them? What an insult: to be rejected by proud people who regularly raped and murdered others and didn't even brush their teeth--and thought nothing of it. And then submit to being mocked and killed by them!

The Father sent a BABY to do that. HIS baby.

He didn't have to. But if He had had to, it wouldn't be kindness. If it had cost Him nothing, it wouldn't be kindness.

Are you starting to get it?

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus {Ephesians 2:4-7}.

Jesus is the Father's kindness.

The Old Testament characters we discussed rescued those who could not save themselves, often from brutal death. Jesus stepped down and went even further: He gave His own life in exchange for our adoption into the family of God. It would have been enough just to be saved from death; but He brought us into His own family.

And--in Jesus' own words--that's what Christmas is all about: "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him" (John 3:16-17).

And again, in Jesus' own words: "But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" {Luke 6:35-36}.

What would it have been like for Jesus to say these words, knowing that He Himself--His birth, His life, His death--was the very demonstration of a Father's mercy to an unrepentant, rebellious, stinky, flea-bitten lot of sinners? And knowing that He would accept some of these with joy into His own family, sharing His Father with them?

That is the greatest kindness of all: that the Father was willing to share His Son, and that Jesus was willing to share His Father with us.

Maybe that's why Jesus was born as a baby, into a family. Because He is our savior, but He is also our brother.

Maybe we take baths and have iPhones and wouldn't dream of putting a baby to sleep in flea-infested straw; but we are human just the same. Don't let the first-world conveniences anesthetize you to this painful truth: we, like our savage forbears, were born into a position of utter despair and hopelessness, sentenced to death from our conception, unable to save ourselves from our own habitual immorality, hardness of heart, and downright meanness. I don't care how "good" you are: you cannot be good enough to stand before the One who is the very definition of goodness. He Himself is the only one good enough to save us. We need to receive life from the one who created it. There is no other way.

But what a beautiful way it is! That a Father would give us His baby--innocent, glorious, a little package of hope in an utterly dark world--and would use our own brutality against Him to exonerate us of it. How ironic! He fulfilled His mission not with the indifference of a judge exchanging a bond for a prisoner's freedom, but with the compassion of a Father's heart.

The beauty of the Lord is that He did not just save us with justice--He saved us with kindness.

Listen to Me, O house of Jacob,

And all the remnant of the house of Israel,

You who have been borne by Me from birth

And have been carried from the womb;

Even to your old age I will be the same,

And even to your graying years I will bear you!

I have done it, and I will carry you;

And I will bear you and deliver you.

{Isaiah 46:3-4}

I'll end with one more example of kindness from the New Testament.....

In the last chapter of Acts, Luke relates the story of Paul and his companions being shipwrecked at Malta. They could have expected to be robbed or even killed by the people of the island, or at the least ignored; but instead, this is what happened:

The natives showed us extraordinary kindness; for because of the rain that had set in and because of the cold, they kindled a fire and received us all. {Acts 28:2}

The Lord knows that the earth is rainy and cold, and that we are shipwrecked and lonely. When He sent Jesus to earth, He kindled a fire and received us all.

Kindness is well-described by one of our favorite Christmas hymns:

Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love, and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break, for the slave is our brother
And in His name, all oppression shall cease

"Fall on your knees" indeed!

Repeat the sounding joy! Let heaven and nature sing!

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Kindness (Part 1)

"In an outburst of anger, I hid My face from you for a moment, 

But with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you," 

Says the Lord your Redeemer.

--Isaiah 54:8

They say that Christmas is the season of "kindness." Hallmark movies, pop songs, and television commercials wrap "kindness" in a box like a pair of warm slippers, making it so fluffy and pleasing that we forget that the world's version of kindness is mercenary--meant only, in the end, to make us feel better about ourselves. Culture anesthetizes us into thinking that our lives have meaning just because we watched someone else on TV being kind and thought it was a great idea.

Don't settle for that. There is real kindness. And it is defined by the heart of the One who made us.

And His kindness is much bigger than the warm fuzzy feelings we get from television. In fact, it is not for the faint of heart.

I want to show you some stories from the Old Testament where the word "kindness" is used (at least in my NASB translation). I'll give the brief run-down; you can go read the stories for yourselves.

Genesis 40:14--"Only keep me in mind when it goes well with you, and please do me a kindness by mentioning me to Pharaoh and get me out of this house."
Joseph (the dreamer) was thrown unjustly into prison, and he interpreted dreams for his fellow inmates, one of whom was cupbearer to Pharaoh. He asked for kindness from the cupbearer: that he would wield his influence and somehow get Joseph out of prison, where he was condemned to rot forever unless someone decided to let him go free.

Joshua 2:12--"Now therefore, please swear to me by the Lord, since I have dealt kindly with you, that you also will deal kindly with my father's household, and give me a pledge of truth, and spare my brothers and my sisters, with all who belong to them, and deliver our lives from death."

Rahab, the prostitute, gave shelter to the Israelite spies who came into the promised land to check it out. In this verse, she asked for a "kind favor": "Could you please not kill me or my family when you take over, even though you're totally going to slaughter everyone else?" The Israelites did spare the lives of Rahab and her family, even though they ruthlessly killed everyone else in the city. That type of blood and gore story isn't really what we curl up with hot cocoa to watch on Christmas Eve television....but it is real.

1 Samuel 20:15--"You shall not cut off your lovingkindness from my house forever, not even when the Lord cuts off every one of the enemies of David from the face of the earth."
Jonathan made a pact with David that he would protect him, and would receive that same kindness in return. But this wasn't just a BFF kind of vow. It was serious. Jonathan's father, Saul, wanted David dead. He went to extremes to hunt him down in order to kill him. So when Jonathan said he would "show kindness" to David, he literally meant that he would preserve his life if he could--and that the two would do so for each other and their households forever. Moral of the story: kindness can save your life.

2 Samuel 9:1--Then David said, "Is there yet anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan's sake?"
David became king in the place of Saul. True to his word to his friend Jonathan, he sent and found Mephibosheth, Jonathan's only surviving son, who was crippled in his feet. In this day, a new king would exterminate all the relatives of the former king so that they would never challenge his right to the throne. So when the messengers came for Mephibosheth, he went and appeared before the king thinking that he was going to be executed. Instead, however, David showed him kindness by not only letting him live, but blessing him with an inheritance out of love for his father, Jonathan. It was a breach of royal protocol that probably shocked the people. And it is one of the reasons that David was called "a man after God's own heart"--because he saw an orphan, and showed him kindness where he expected death.

These are just four examples, and they all feature human-to-human kindness. We haven't even gotten to the God-kindness yet! But I think these human examples outline a couple principles about kindness for us, because they are similar in two ways:

1. They all deal with serious consequences. Old Testament kindness isn't giving someone a cookie or dropping 20 cents into a donation tub. Although those are good things to do, let's be honest: we're really doing them because we want to feel better about ourselves, and we're not sacrificing anything to do it. No, this version of kindness is rescuing the condemned from certain death or hopeless imprisonment when they have no other way out. That's life-or-death kindness.

2. They all show someone in authority helping someone of little or no importance. A prisoner, a prostitute, a crippled son in hiding, a wanted man with a price on his head. Kings and conquerors decided to help people who could not repay them, even though it was inconvenient and even contrary to social and cultural norms to do so. (I would like to point out that David was, in his lifetime, both the rescued and the rescuer, which is perhaps why his compassion on Jonathan's son was so great.)

We all have authority in some area. Maybe we are not kings, able to literally give the word and save someone from execution; maybe we are not the rich, who can give out much-needed supplies to whole villages single-handedly.

But we all have the authority of Christ. And that makes us kings. You may not be able to bust Joseph out of prison; but you DO have the authority to speak blessings into other people's lives, to smile at someone, to pray for someone--to preach the gospel, that some might be saved from death. If you believe in Jesus Christ, you have more authority than the world. (You can look that up in the Bible for yourself.)

The Lord has not only given us authority as daughters and sons, He has given each of us authority in particular areas--certain relationships, environments, and spheres.

Don't underestimate yourself.

You really can change someone's life. You really can turn their circumstances around.

The world is full of dying people. And we have been given authority to ease their condition, to listen to them, to hold them, and to tell them the message that will turn their hearts back to the Father who loves them. It IS life-or-death kindness. And something as small as an encouraging word can bring all the power of God that got Joseph out of prison and saved Rahab's life. Just stopping to acknowledge someone else--someone unnoticed and ignored--and give him or her your sacrifice of time. You don't have to; you choose to.  Like these kind men of the Bible, you will lose something in the process, or it isn't kindness.

But if you know the kindness that was shown to you, then you will think twice about passing an opportunity for kindness by.

Like David, we know how to rescue, because we have been rescued. (But more on that in Part 2!)

Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them.--Hosea 11:3-4 (ESV)

What are you, O great mountain?

Then he said to me, "This is the word of the Lord to Zarubbabel saying, 'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,' says the Lord of hosts. 'What are you, O great mountain? Before Zarubbabel you will become a plain; and he will bring forth the top stone with shouts of "Grace, grace to it!"'"--Zechariah 4:6-7

I highly endorse working hard, seeking and accepting opportunities, or going somewhere new even though it's intimidating. Proactivity has gotten me a lot of places in my life.

However, there's the flip side to that coin. I was thinking about all the times I've tried to make things happen on my own--accepting opportunities that are not quite right, or less than what I wanted. Sometimes this comes from plain, inexcusable impatience; but other times, there is a deeper reason. I think the deeper reason I have done this--have tried my best to settle for less--is because I did not believe I was worth God blessing me in that particular area. I did not think I deserved a God-given door, so I tried to find my way through a broken window.

People like to say, "When God closes a door, He always opens a window." I'm of the opinion that God never closes doors; He closes windows. He closes doggie doors and fire escapes, cracks in the wall and holes in the floor: all the ways of exit we think we must take because He won't offer us a door. We expect Him to disappoint us. 

We are all just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for God to let us down, for us to have to make it on our own. I mean, that's what people have always done to us. They have left us alone and lonely. We've had to struggle by ourselves because other people have abandoned us, let us down, or outright rejected us. We have ALL experienced this.

But that's not who the Father of Lights is. He is not a man, that He should lie (Numbers 23:19). The amazing, drop-the-mic revelation of Christianity is that it really will all be ok. He really IS in control. It's not a cliche. It's biblical truth.

You can trust Him.

The greatest miracles in my life are not the healings I've seen or the dramatic provisions I've experienced--all the physical impossibilities that became possible in Jesus--although there are enough of those to fill a book. Instead, the greatest miracles are the hundreds of ways He's revealed to me that I need to trust Him in each little tiny bit of my life. It seemed impossible for those internal insecurities to change; they seemed an immovable mountain. But when my own fears have appeared as a concrete wall before me, He's given me the grace to trust Him anyway. And, in those moments, Jesus takes great pleasure in walking through your walls and kicking out a door.

The peace of truly trusting Him with the secret things that are dearest to me, and believing that He will not let me down: THAT'S the peace that surpasses understanding.

Like the rest of us, I've got a long way to go in this, but I can say that, in moments when I have surrendered to this trust, I have felt the truest, purest sense of purpose a human can experience.

NO ONE and NOTHING can offer you the security that a relationship with Jesus Christ can. It's why He was born in a stable 2,016 years ago. It's why God became a baby, so that He could open a door for you that will never be closed. So that you will not have to be abandoned, rejected, alone, or afraid any longer.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!"--Matthew 7:7-11

There's no catch. He really can make it all better. And He really will. He loves you so much.

You don't have to scrape by. You are not a pauper. You are not an unwanted squatter in the house of God. You don't have to skulk around near discreet exits, waiting for the moment you have to run. You aren't homeless, moving through window after window and accepting any warm place to sleep every night.

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God's household (Ephesians 2:19).

The door is wide open. And in Him, you will find yourself saying to an impossibility, "What are you, O great mountain?"

A Sprained Attitude Dries Up the Bones

Today I have not been at work because I sprained my foot running. If you know me, you will know that the first thing I thought when I went down was, "Let me see how bad this is, because I want to finish this run." I don't like to slow down, and I definitely don't like to stop. Needless to say, the verse "be still and know that I am God" is one I'm still working on.

This kind of...let's say "rambunctious"...attitude has turned morose and sour as I've sat on the couch, eating hot Cheetos, listening to emo music and wondering if I will ever live again. While relaxing is not really my forte, internal drama is.

Then, tack this on to the situation: it's hard to explain how the education field does things, but long story short, there is some instability about my job right now. Important decisions are being made today, and I am not there. Sitting with my foot in a bucket of ice water while I think about it just makes it all the more melodramatic.

I will say that I have not been nearly as negative with this sprain as I have been with the last several injuries and illnesses (which only happen every few years or so, fortunately for the people around me). But I have had a bit of a bad attitude about it.

So as I was having a little fun with my bad attitude last night (you know you've done it, too), I decided to read the Psalms. If you want to find lyrics for your next angsty punk song, visit King David. I flipped open randomly, and this is what I read: "Give ear to my prayer, O God; And do not hide Yourself from my supplication. Give heed to me and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and am surely distracted, Because of the voice of the enemy" (Ps. 55:1-3).

I stopped right there because I had underlined that last little verse, and in the margin, I had written, "Don't listen!"

Thanks, Past Christi, for the reminder.

See, all the enemy really has is a voice. But he really likes to use it. As per usual, he takes something of God's and reverses it to be ugly, disgusting, and destructive. God speaks, and things are created. The devil speaks, and things are destroyed.

But only with our cooperation.

What's that saying--"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Everyone knows that's not true. But you see, the enemy's power hangs completely on his words, on his ability to convince us that we should be afraid of everything. Kind of like a bully....a big dramatic bully with all the powers of darkness swirling around him. If your life is hid in Christ, there is nothing he can do to destroy it, although occasionally he does make it pretty uncomfortable.

But YOU can actually destroy your life. The enemy just needs to convince you to do it. And he always starts by undermining your identity in Christ with just a few little negative thoughts. He finds the things you're afraid of and then whispers to you about them, disguising them with what looks like an absence of justice or righteousness but is really your own biased judgment over people and situations.

I think the genesis of most of my bad attitudes have been fear that comes from listening to the voice of the enemy.

Not to say there are not other causes of bad attitudes. I may sometimes have a temporary bad attitude because I'm hungry, or it's raining, or something is legitimately irritating. But those fade away. I'm talking about the chronic bad attitudes, the kind that poison your whole perspective. Everyone knows somebody with a chronic bad attitude (or maybe you don't, in which case it is probably you). I've been through periods of life when I had a chronic bad attitude. One example is the attitude I packed up and carried to work with me every day when I lived in Washington DC. I may have sometimes seemed like I had a good attitude on the outside, but inside, I was critical of everything and everyone. The real reason wasn't because other people were stupid. It was because on the inside, I was afraid of failure. This fear was mostly associated with work, but it infected every other part of my life.

I was afraid that I would turn out to be everything I didn't want to be: manipulative, obnoxious, controlling, defective in relationships, too cerebral to connect to others, oblivious, unable to handle new situations, lonely, rejected. I had always been a people pleaser and a high achiever. The enemy had been naming me those things since childhood, but the earthquake of a stressful work environment shook them out in full for the first time. I engaged the enemy's whispers on the subject of my identity, then tried to fight it by blaming everybody else and complaining about the situations where I felt powerless. I made excuses and judged others before they could judge me. As a result, I turned into everything I feared to be. In many ways, I failed, because that's what I expected.

That's what chronic bad attitudes do. They turn you into everything you're afraid to be.

If you listen to the enemy long enough, he doesn't even have to do his job anymore because you are the one repeating his lies, then criticizing everyone else in order to make yourself feel better. It's a pretty efficient system. Before you know it, you are "restless in your complaint" and "surely distracted," and God gets the brunt of your complaining.

Ugly but true.

Some people go through really tough things in their lives, and it's hard not to get a bad attitude in those situations. It can appear that there is a lot to be afraid of. Once you've been hurt, you're afraid to be hurt again.

But all the research by secular science shows that a good attitude means the difference between life and death. People with good attitudes are healthier and live longer. That's what the Bible has been telling us all along:

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

Today, in reality, there's really no reason for me to have a bad attitude. My sprained foot will heal. I will still have a job contract, and the Lord has always turned everything negative in my life into something good. (Wait, isn't there a Bible verse about that?)

The cheesy motivational poster in your 5th grade classroom was right. Attitude IS everything. But it's not enough to try to change your attitude without addressing the root cause. As long as he has the upper hand of fear, the thoughts will keep coming. Don't fall for the enemy's bluff. You have no need to fear. All the enemy has is empty words. (And maybe a few emo songs. You can fight it with "The Rainbow Connection." Works for me.)

...we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love. (Ephesians 4:14-15)

The God Who Invented Scabs

For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, 
And as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up,
So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise
To spring up before all the nations. {Isaiah 61:11}

Why don't seeds immediately sprout into trees when they hit the ground? Why doesn't the rain immediately evaporate and fall down again? Why don't flowers unfold as soon as they bud? Why don't eggs hatch as soon as they are laid? Why do we have to wait nine months from conception until a baby is born?

The thing about God is, He could make things happen immediately. But He doesn't. That's because one of His beautiful attributes is patience. He loves gardening. He has all the time in the world (literally...He invented it).

God loves process. It's why He invented scabs.

If that grosses you out, you should probably stop reading here. You're going to hate the metaphor that's coming. But I know that everyone who is reading this has had a scab at one point or another. Don't act like you can't relate.

Scabs are ugly and itchy. They are the gross step between gaping wound and new, soft skin. A lot of times when we have one, we usually just want the process of healing to be over. We think, "Maybe if I pick at this just a little, the new skin will be ready underneath, and I can be done with it."

If you've ever done this, you know that usually the new skin is NOT ready. Often, we just end up prolonging the itchiness and ugliness by poking and prodding enough to pick the scab off. Then we have to start the process all over.

For some reason, it is difficult for us to leave well enough alone. Our wounds are just too fascinating to ignore.

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. {Hebrews 12:11-13}

When we discover a spiritual wound, we usually don't heal right on the spot. Sometimes we enter a "season of growth" (to use the Christianese term) or a really challenging, stretching, uncomfortable period of life (to use layman's terms)....and we don't get to just pass through in a few days. It often takes a lot longer than we want. There's the process of scabbing--of something new and beautiful growing underneath.

If you submit to the process of growth, things will unfold just like they're promised above: you will be healed. Your heart will "yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness." But if you try to continue to run on a lame leg, or poke at it and bother it as it's trying to heal, chances are, you're going to end up putting something out of joint. If you try to control the process, you will make it last much longer.

This metaphor is getting out of control, so let me explain a little better.

The spiritual equivalent of picking a scab is to whine and complain about the process. Throwing a pity party is painful, but it's the kind of pain we like. I've thrown a few temper tantrums God's way, and I know you have too. I like to complain every step of the way, to everyone who will listen. I have a drama queen side, and it usually comes out when I feel uncomfortable or impatient. It delights to play the victim. There's some type of sweet sense of control that we feel when we complain about what God is doing.

But let me tell you, my friend: picking at a scab one too many times doesn't just prolong the healing process. It creates scars.

God has given me several promises regarding my life. I've been struggling to understand why He doesn't just do what He's told me He's going to do. I'm too American to wait. I like to receive a word and act on it. But if it's God's dream...it's God's process. The verse says that HE will cause righteousness and praise to spring up--not me.

I like goals. I like checklists. I especially like checklists of goals with things marked off. Checking things on a list is deliciously satisfying to me. It makes me sparkle inside. I'm smiling just thinking about it. I like finish lines. I like projects that I can finish quickly. It's why I don't garden. I don't like process, because the most essential ingredient of process is time. And, like it or not, I can't control time.

So I can't leave my scabs alone.

But now I think I've finally learned that, by putting me through process, God is building my strength and training me. He is forming His image in me so firmly that it will be unshakable when I reach the crazy destiny He has in store.

I'm learning that the process is actually shorter when you stop wasting time in immaturity, picking at wounds and being melodramatic, and just sit and wait for Him to heal them. The fruit comes more naturally and more quickly when you just allow Him to grow your character, rather than just "working on it" yourself. We are partners with Him in our growth, but we are not the ones in charge of the timeline.

Walking with Jesus is a process. You will ALWAYS be growing. And here's the worst (or best) thing about it: you'll never be finished. You will ALWAYS be in process.

Because God invented photosynthesis and seasons and the incredible detail in the formation of snowflakes. How much more does He care about you?

But now, O Lord, You are our Father,
We are the clay, and You our potter; 
And all of us are the work of Your hand. {Isaiah 64:8}

He has made everything beautiful in its time. {Ecclesiastes 3:11}

That means you too.

Don't Stop Belize-ing

I don't normally write play-by-play, "what had happened was..." posts, but I feel like I owe you guys an account of my mission trip to Belize.

We left on Sunday, July 24, and returned on Monday, August 1. We landed in Belize City, then traveled south about four hours to Mango Creek/Independence (a smaller, more rural area) where we stayed in a hotel. Meals were cooked by a lady from the host church and delivered three times a day. There were less than 20 people from my church who made the flight over, but later we were joined by some others from the Dallas area. We joined forces with Liz and Emilio, a couple who lives in Belize. (Emilio is from the area where we were working, and Liz is American.) They started a church, and every year, they put on a conference for people ages 13-30. The reason they do this is because there are tons of vacation Bible schools for kids, but no outreaches that cater specifically to youth.

The main work aspect of our trip was to help put on the conference, which took place a few buildings over from our hotel. Our team did various jobs, including setting up lights, tech stuff, dancing, singing, putting on a talent show, skits, playing sports with the youth during the day, praying for people during altar call, cheering people into the conference, leading worship, cleaning, setting up banners and decorations, going into the village to invite and pray for people, and (as is usual on a mission trip) being followed around by gaggles of random village children every day. We were the hands and feet for a lot of the logistics of the conference, which was planned and directed by the Mango Creek folks.

I got to experience some new things, like cliff diving, riding on the back of a bicycle, and swimming in the Caribbean. Our electricity and air conditioning went out a few times. We ate delicious tacos and found a fresh smoothie stand. We had a lot of fun in addition to the work. A lot of funny things happened as well. (What happens in Belize stays in Belize.... Unless there's video footage of it. Then it's all over the internet, buster.) The days are a blur of memories of all types.

I think the most impactful thing for me was simply walking through the village to talk to people. Aside from the coconut trees, Mango Creek looks a lot like parts of Mississippi. People walk on dirt roads and hang their laundry outside. There are chickens, dogs, and small barefoot children running around. In fact, as soon as our plane landed and we got into the van to drive the four hours to Mango Creek, I found myself wondering if I really were that far from where I grew up.


Most people speak English in Belize because it was a British colony. However, a few speak Spanish, and almost everyone speaks Belizean Creole. Accents are more Caribbean than Central American due to the location and history of the country. We had some trouble communicating because our Texas accents got in the way, but for the most part, conversation was easy.

We prayed and encouraged many people, but a few stand out to me. At one house, four children greeted us from the outdoor staircase. (Most houses are raised on stilts to protect from flooding.) The children caught my eye because they smiled so joyfully. We climbed the stairs and greeted the mother, who was inside watching a soap opera. Belizean culture tends to be more reserved, so people hesitate to open up about their problems, but this woman asked for prayer for ulcers. We were able to pray for her, and then we asked if we could bless the children. Now, y'all know I'm a kid person, so praying for children is kind of my favorite. Being able to bless the two little boys and two little girls was an honor to me. A simple prayer may not seem like much, but it means a lot in the eyes of God when you consider that His ultimate plan is for us to be in relationship with Him. Conversation is an essential part of relationship. Since children are so close to His heart, a moment of prayer with them is a precious meeting with Him.

This really reminded me of Mississippi.

We also happened upon the beginnings of a new church building where several women were sitting and talking. We were able to pray with them about the new church. Another time, we walked past an elderly couple, and two of us felt the need to stop and encourage them, even though technically we were sent out to talk to younger people. We prayed for them and gave them kind words, and their faces were full of joy as we walked away. Although, because of their more reserved culture, this couple did not tell us specifics about their lives, we found out from our Mango Creek guide that they had recently lost a daughter. These are just a few of our stories. I feel honored that the Lord allowed me to walk into the lives of some of the people He loves, even for a moment.

This was my first mission trip, but I imagine that any time you go on a short-term mission, you encounter a few special people who impact you the most. Lisa and her children were those people for me.

We met her in the park across from our hotel the second night we were there. Lisa is a single mom with 12 kids, six of whom are young enough to be at home. I won't give all the details of her life, but suffice it to say that she is a single mom because of some common issues in impoverished places: violence and abuse. She is often ill but makes ends meet by baking and making candy that she sends her kids out on their bicycles to sell.

Three of Lisa's children

We met her daughters first: a thirteen-year-old and eleven-year-old on a bike who seemed shy but were still eager to talk with us. The youngest child, nearly 3 years old, was not shy at all. She laughed and went from lap to lap, arm to arm, as she babbled away in Creole. Right away I could tell that there was something special about these kids. They were well-mannered and gentle, with shy smiles and respectful nods. I was only more interested in their family when we met the two little boys, about nine and six, who were just as sweet as their sisters. During the conversation, the older girl said, "Do you want to meet our mom?" Another team member and I said, "Sure," not knowing we were stepping into a divine appointment.

Lisa was on the park bench with her oldest at-home child, a daughter who is sixteen. Unlike most of the other Belizeans we had met, Lisa opened up and told us her story, and we prayed for her. She may be facing issues and hopelessness, but I could tell that Lisa is the kind of woman who cares deeply for her children. We were able to pray with her and invite her to the conference.

She came to the conference with all her children three nights in a row. Unlike the other kids, her children listened attentively (and her baby made friends with everyone there). On the first night, I prayed for her headache during altar call, and it went away completely.

The second night, her older daughter told me that she loved writing. Her face lit up as she talked about crafting stories and journaling about her life. Because school requires tuition in Belize, this daughter was not able to go to high school because the money went to the other children's schooling. But since I'm a writer myself, I knew during that conversation that there was a reason for me to be on this trip. I went home, tore out the pages of my journal that I had already used, and brought it to her along with a pencil and pen the next night at the conference. I encouraged her to keep writing. She seemed a little surprised at my gift, but later on, I saw her writing during the conference, and even standing up writing afterwards. I am amazed that the Lord laid out that divine appointment not just for this teenager, but for me. I am so blessed to get to take a part, even a small part, in nurturing a gift that is so close to my own heart in another young person.

Because they attended this conference, Lisa's family was able to meet the special couple who puts it on. Through their ministry, they will be able to obtain some shoes and possibly other things for school; and the oldest daughter may have a chance to go to high school after all because the church offers scholarships.

You may think that building wells and churches and feeding the hungry and donating to good causes and doing altar calls is the glorified work of "missions." But don't forget that all missions begin with one simple conversation. Jesus walked through villages, too. He befriended people and invited them to just talk with Him. I'm not saying that we shouldn't intentionally do all those good works--of course we should! But in order to serve someone, you have to meet them. You have to disregard rejection and just open your mouth and say "yes" to God when He asks you to give time to relationship with someone else. It takes humility to realize that your time is His, anyway, and He is asking you to give it away.

The most beautiful thing about this is that it doesn't have to happen in a third-world country. And that leads me to my biggest point. I could go on and on in detail about my trip and everything we did, but I want to save space for this important take-away: Life is a mission field. That sounds cliche, but it really is the truth.

The Belizean people and their mindsets looked so much like the people of Oak Cliff (the neighborhood where I taught last year) and the people in my hometown of Jackson, Mississippi. The history of slavery, corruption, exploitation, and poverty is the same. And I thought, "Why am I leaving my own people to serve someone else, as if that is more noble?" I am definitely in favor of missions and am glad I went on this trip, but for me it brought my current location into better focus. I need to stop thinking "God is going to make me a long-term missionary someday" as an excuse not to love the people in front of me.

Maybe I'll never be a "long-term missionary" because maybe I already am one. Your whole life is pretty "long-term." He didn't say "Give me your future." He said "Give me your life." That's what "Take up your cross and follow me" means (Matthew 16:24).

I need to stop spending so much time glorifying "the ministry" and realize that His body IS "the ministry"--all the time, everywhere. There is no difference spiritually in feeding orphans in the bush country of Africa and feeding orphans in a public school in Arlington, Texas. Everyone wants the love of the Father.

I think the gospel is that people--all people--are worth it to God. They aren't there to be pitied or patronized. They are His beautiful workmanship, crafted specifically and purposefully (Psalm 139), and they deserve respect. The gospel is stopping for a moment to acknowledge the image of God in a human being, and speaking that over them that they might be encouraged to see their own value. Salvation happens when people realize just how valuable Jesus is, and how the Father traded this priceless treasure for their lives. That's how worth it we are.

For the creation waits with eager longing for the revelation of the sons of God. (Romans 8:19) People are waiting with desperate expectation for us to live into our roles in our everyday lives. That's the gospel, and the gospel takes all of us, regardless of location.

What I'm trying to say that it's easy to give a dollar to charity in the check-out line. It's a lot harder to genuinely invest and care about the cashier standing right in front of you.

Maybe, like me, you've been questioning if the "American life" is for you. Maybe you've been despising where God has you right now. Maybe you feel like you're in time out from "greater things." I know how that feels. That was me before this trip.

But maybe God has you right where He wants you. Maybe you were born in the right location at the right time. Maybe your job, your home, your church, your life, has just as much purpose as the life of a missionary in the most dangerous of places.

You know why? Because there are people there. And God loves them all.

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place (2 Corinthians 2:14).