One of my best friends got married this week. As I danced my heart out at the wedding (unofficial bridesmaid's duty), I looked around me at the rich collection of friends I have, and I thought with joy about how much God has blessed me over the years. He has always provided people for me, people to help me in practical and spiritual ways. He has never failed to provide for me financially or otherwise. What a glorious testimony I have of His goodness!
The day after the wedding, I was thinking about...surprise!...marriage. Marriage between two believing people is a precious gift from God. (I know, I sound like an old grandma...but it's the truth!) It's a gift I've always known is coming to me, and which I've always longed to receive--not because I want to be a fairy tale princess or a bridezilla, but because I want to be united with a man just as Christ is united with the church, able to more fully use my gifts for Him as I work alongside another person.
But I am not married yet. And sometimes, I tend to slip into a wrong perspective about this.
I look back and see all the growth I've made over the years and am grateful that I had the opportunity to grow as a single person. I have learned things that will make me a better wife, and I am glad that I am not married yet.
But then that leads me to think: well, I suppose I wasn't good enough to be married before now. I guess I had to grow a lot to reach this point...and what's more, I'm still not married, so I must still not be good enough.
You can believe this about any gift from God that you are waiting for, be it ministry, a family, a vision for your life: that you are not responsible enough, not righteous enough, not stable enough, to handle it, and that's why God (whom we often see as a chiding parent) hasn't given it to you yet.
That's a lie.
Granted, you shouldn't rush into marriage knowing you have a ton of issues that will make it more difficult. That's not wise. However, you don't have to reach some magical point of perfection before God sees fit to reward you with it.
That's how I've seen it: as a reward. I see it as something He doesn't want to give me, something He's withholding, like a carrot before a horse, to make me keep going. Most of the time, I don't see marriage as something that God actually wants for me. In reality, it's a promise to be fulfilled, a gift that He is delighted to give me.
That's because, like any human, I think this whole life thing is about me--my journey, my worthiness, my achievements. If I haven't gotten something I want, surely it is my fault.
Is there anything that you're seeing this way in your life? Is there any dream yet unfulfilled that you consider yourself unworthy to receive?
Because, if you had to be worthy to receive things from God, Jesus would never have come down here to die for you.
"Well, I guess they're just not worthy enough to receive my grace. Guess I'd better keep it up here."
Nope: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."--2 Corinthians 12:9
The very definition of grace is "unmerited favor"--God loving you and blessing you regardless of whether or not you're "good enough." You don't have to "grow" to a certain predetermined (and ambiguous) measurement in order to receive it. It just is. It's not a reward. It's a gift.
God isn't denying me the gift of marriage; He's just delaying it until His time is right. It's not about whether I'm "ready" for it; in fact, it's not about me at all, but about His plan.
Shocker: it's not about me.
Sometimes, when I go to a wedding, in spite of my excitement for the bride and groom, I tend to feel like a kid who's been told I have to repeat first grade because the first time wasn't good enough. But that's not the case. I don't think He sees us all on some path to perfection, and those of us who don't make the cut have to sit at the kids' table a bit longer. He's not hiding me away in some incubator.
Like I said, it's actually not about me.
But I am not married yet. And sometimes, I tend to slip into a wrong perspective about this.
I look back and see all the growth I've made over the years and am grateful that I had the opportunity to grow as a single person. I have learned things that will make me a better wife, and I am glad that I am not married yet.
But then that leads me to think: well, I suppose I wasn't good enough to be married before now. I guess I had to grow a lot to reach this point...and what's more, I'm still not married, so I must still not be good enough.
You can believe this about any gift from God that you are waiting for, be it ministry, a family, a vision for your life: that you are not responsible enough, not righteous enough, not stable enough, to handle it, and that's why God (whom we often see as a chiding parent) hasn't given it to you yet.
That's a lie.
Granted, you shouldn't rush into marriage knowing you have a ton of issues that will make it more difficult. That's not wise. However, you don't have to reach some magical point of perfection before God sees fit to reward you with it.
That's how I've seen it: as a reward. I see it as something He doesn't want to give me, something He's withholding, like a carrot before a horse, to make me keep going. Most of the time, I don't see marriage as something that God actually wants for me. In reality, it's a promise to be fulfilled, a gift that He is delighted to give me.
That's because, like any human, I think this whole life thing is about me--my journey, my worthiness, my achievements. If I haven't gotten something I want, surely it is my fault.
Is there anything that you're seeing this way in your life? Is there any dream yet unfulfilled that you consider yourself unworthy to receive?
Because, if you had to be worthy to receive things from God, Jesus would never have come down here to die for you.
"Well, I guess they're just not worthy enough to receive my grace. Guess I'd better keep it up here."
Nope: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."--2 Corinthians 12:9
The very definition of grace is "unmerited favor"--God loving you and blessing you regardless of whether or not you're "good enough." You don't have to "grow" to a certain predetermined (and ambiguous) measurement in order to receive it. It just is. It's not a reward. It's a gift.
God isn't denying me the gift of marriage; He's just delaying it until His time is right. It's not about whether I'm "ready" for it; in fact, it's not about me at all, but about His plan.
Shocker: it's not about me.
Sometimes, when I go to a wedding, in spite of my excitement for the bride and groom, I tend to feel like a kid who's been told I have to repeat first grade because the first time wasn't good enough. But that's not the case. I don't think He sees us all on some path to perfection, and those of us who don't make the cut have to sit at the kids' table a bit longer. He's not hiding me away in some incubator.
Like I said, it's actually not about me.
Yes, He does pinch and mold us, like a potter with clay. But He isn't looking at us with scrutiny. He's looking at us with love. And the dreams He's given us (marriage, ministry, relationships and works that honor Him) matter to Him--He gave them to us!
You don't have to confess every sin and "get your heart right" before you take communion (in spite of what some legalistic churches have taught you), because communion is a sign of what Jesus has already done rather than a reminder of how sinful you are and how you don't deserve it. It's not about you, but about Him. Salvation isn't about whether or not you are "good enough," but about how sufficient His goodness is.
In the same way, marriage (or any other gift from God) is not about how "good enough" or "ready enough" you are. It's bigger than that. It's about how good He is.
If it's not about me, I know who it IS about: Jesus Christ. As always.
And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.--Colossians 1:17
Enough said.
So my identity isn't "Girl-who-doesn't-deserve-to-be-married-yet," but rather, "Daughter-of-a-king-who-rejoices-in-her." My identity is defined in relation to who God is, not who I am according to my earthly status--married, single, or otherwise.
Grace is our new identity. Sometimes we feel we are waiting to receive tangible gifts from Him, but it doesn't necessarily follow that we are unworthy to receive His gifts. He's just doing His thing. He's just blessing us beyond measure, in ways that will glorify Him beyond what we can imagine. And the best thing is, we never have to wait to receive grace. He never stops giving it. It's kind of His favorite thing.
And it's not like He's going to run out.
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