Die

And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.--Galatians 5:24

This blog has taken a hiatus for two weeks because I've been out of town. I went to an awesome conference for missionaries in Nashville, and then to Texas to look into teacher certification programs there. But now I'm back!

...Well, not really back. I have returned changed and can't go back to the person I was even two weeks ago. But isn't that always the case when you walk with the Lord? We are continuously being transformed from one degree of glory to the next. And just when we think there's no more glory, He blasts our socks off with how much freer He makes us.

That thought is a nice transition to what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about a hefty subject: death.

Remember the movie Child's Play (usually referred to as "Chuckie")? You know, that creepy movie where the doll was possessed with the evil spirit of a dead guy? (I never ever thought I would be referencing a horror film in my blog, but bear with me.) I've only seen it once (and then vowed never to repeat the experience), but I remember at the end, the main characters have fought Chuckie, burning and dismembering him, and they think he is gone for good. Just as they are celebrating his defeat, Chuckie's dismembered arm comes back and tries to strangle them!

This is a silly movie, but it illustrates something we all face (not literally, thank goodness). When we become followers of Jesus, we're born again. Our old selves die, to be recreated in His image. But I feel like sometimes, just when I reach a new level with God and feel freer than ever, I am sneak-attacked by an old peice of myself that tries to bring me down again. The evil doll is destroyed, and really, the arm has no hope of defeating me.

But it sure does try.

Over the past few days, I've been completely stressed out by a part of me that, like Chuckie's arm, keeps trying to creep back and attack my relationship with God. This ugly thing is my natural tendency to idolize people over Him. Worshipping relationships leads me to long for intimacy and exclusivity with other people, but that closeness should belong to God and no one else. It has been a pattern for me in the past, and it has led to other sins in relationships--jealousy, rivalry, strife, idol-worship, ignoring God. It has infected many of my relationships, whether people could see it or not.

We all have some pet sins that spring from natural inclinations.  Let me assure you, your natural inclinations are NOT your fault. My longing for intimacy is actually a good thing, something God put in me to motivate me to seek Him. But when I channel that longing into a best friend, a boyfriend, a family member, or some other person, it is incredibly destructive and does the opposite of what it is supposed to do. It entangles me unaware and gets me to trip over the same shoelace that has caused me to fall in the past (Hebrews 12:1). It can get creepy, weird--and hopeless.

That I have this natural tendency is not a new revelation for me. What is new for me is God bringing me up to so much higher of an atmosphere with Him that I just can't stand my own sin anymore. I want it dead. I want it murdered. I want it obliterated.

I want to kill myself. Obviously not literally--but I long for the death of those parts of me that keep me from Him. I want to take that mangled Chuckie arm and stomp it until it twitches and dies.

Paul said, "I die every day!" (1 Corinthians 15:31). "O Lord, I love the habitation of your house and the place where your glory dwells" (Psalm 26:8). And because I love that place, anything that keeps me out of it must be relentlessly and violently killed.

Self, you're going DOWN. (Now I'm thinking of the song "Kill the Beast!", which is perhaps not the greatest reference since the villain sang that song in that movie. Anyway....)

Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell, 'where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.' For everyone will be salted with fire. (Mark 9:42-49)

I used to think that Jesus meant that you should remove yourself from temptation. And I think we should, certainly. If you're addicted to drugs, don't hang around people who are doing drugs. If you struggle with lust, don't go to a strip club. These things are obvious.

I think in some sense, what Jesus means by "cutting off your arm" and "tearing out your eye" is to just put to death the parts of yourself--issues, selfish desires, etc.--that cause the sin in the first place. Not only are we to cut off the circumstantial temptation to sin, but also the internal temptation to sin.

I don't think cutting off my idolatrous relationships is the solution to my problem (although I have done that in the past). That's a temporary solution, but I will still face the problem later if I don't murder that part of me that causes it: my selfish desire to be recognized, appreciated, and special to someone else. That right to intimacy belongs exclusively to the Father.

I have to kill that sneaky mentality in me that makes me view my life as a performance for others to applaud. My life is not a performance--not even to Jesus. It's not a book to be read and enjoyed by an exclusive audience that I select. It is a sacrifice poured out on the altar before a holy God. As long as I try to hang on to myself, I will keep myself back from the all-consuming fire of His presence (Hebrews 12:29, Deuteronomy 4:24), which burns away all parts of me and leaves nothing but the sweet joy and freedom of Him. Ironically, if I don't chop off my arm, I will rob myself of the pure intimacy and closeness that I long for, that He created me to enjoy.

Does this make sense to anybody? Can I get a witness up in here???

There are two kinds of fire: one for purification, and one for destruction. The destructive fire is unquenchable, like Jesus said, and it will burn you to ash. But the fire of our God will burn out impurities, reducing you to salt for the earth and solid gold (1 Peter 1:7).

I don't know what keeps you from God, what arm or eyeball causes you to fall into sin. But I want to encourage you to recognize it today, whatever it is, and commit murder.

Jesus is our example. He is not a God who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, as He Himself was tempted (Hebrews 4:15). He sacrificed His will to the Father and was obedient to death (Philippians 2:5-11). He did not make Himself a god (even though He had a right to), but instead killed His own desires.

The good news? When we follow Him, we inherit this mentality of humility. "Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus...." (Philippians 2:5). Isn't it great that even when God asks us to do something hard, He offers us the tools to do it? He is inviting you today to be consumed by his purifying fire.