You are not alone.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

{Ephesians 2:10}

The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;

You support my lot.

The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;

Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.

{Psalm 16:5-6}

You are not alone.

I know that, sometimes, you think you are. And sometimes you may isolate yourself. But you are not the only one going through the thing you're experiencing. 

I haven't had too many encounters with spiritual warfare in my life. It's not something I commonly experience. I've heard other people's war stories, and I thought they were being dramatic, honestly. But now I understand.

This post is not meant to glorify the enemy, but rather to expose his schemes in order that he might be defeated. And to let YOU know that you are not alone in the battle. And to glorify the One who has already won the day--totally, utterly, and without dispute: Jesus Christ. And that's not an emotional conviction or a fairytale whim. It's a cold, hard fact.

I guess I should start by making a confession. If you're reading this, I can pretty much assume that you know me in person, because I don't think I get much traffic on this page other than friends. And if you know me, you know that I am the person that you call for detailed, specific prayer. I am known for my extravagant faith. And I have never struggled with some of the "big time" sins that people are shocked by (as if there are really "better" or "worse" ones). I've been what the world would consider a "good girl" my whole life. But I have battled with something that may surprise you: doubt.

Yes, me.

And we're not talking about the "Does God love me?" or "Is God really good?" kind of doubt. We're talking about the "Is God even real?" kind. 

It doesn't hit me that often, but there was a time in my life when it was very real and very oppressive. And a couple weeks ago, it happened to me again.

You see, the enemy likes to find our greatest strength and make it our greatest weakness. He likes to find God's dreams for our lives and turn them into his nightmares.

In the Garden, the first thing the enemy did was accuse God, calling Him a liar. He likes to accuse God of what he is himself. Then, as soon as Eve bit (literally), he accused her identity: "You're naked. Look what you've done!" So Adam and Eve responded with 1) shame, and 2) isolation, hiding from God.

That's how our world got into the mess we are in: someone listened to the devil accuse God and then themselves. And they believed him. Most of the world is stuck in this pattern, because most of the world doesn't know Jesus. And I have great compassion on them, because they are disconnected from the One who made them, the only One who can tell them who they are. 

But some of us know Jesus. And since the enemy can't destroy us, he tries to undermine our purpose. He tries to incapacitate us so much with lies that we are unable to connect with God or to go after what He has for us. 

But here's the good news: we aren't unaware of his tricks. And he's already lost. The only thing to do is recognize his voice. It's his only weapon. 

In my case, the devil first attacked my concept of God with those big doubts, just like he did with Adam and Eve. Honestly, a lot of my theology needed to go anyway. By that I mean me thinking I could figure God out based on some formula in my mind. But the devil doesn't mind that. He wanted me to just throw out the idea that God even exists.

I know that sounds crazy coming from me. But I am telling you so that you know you are not alone, if intellectual doubt is something you've encountered. 

And I want to encourage you: if you've been attacked in this area, it is likely that you, like me, have a tremendous gift of faith. When I was in college and struggling through mountains of doubts and hopeless depression, I would still pray, and I would still receive highly specific answers to prayer. It was crazy. So be encouraged. God is not afraid of your doubt. He knows we can't understand Him.

Good news: the devil couldn't bring me down with those doubts. Even though they seemed very real, stressful, and terrifying, I fought through them because I'm just plain, well, stubborn. It's another one of the wonderful qualities He gave me that creates in me such strong faith. 

So he tried something else. 

I know that I know that I know what my purpose is on earth, and I have big dreams about it. Guess who else knows my purpose? .....Right. So he began to feed me every deep, dark fear I have associated with the areas connected with my dreams, trying to convince me that my ministry will explode in my face. It was all-out war, no holds barred. Every worst case scenario came to my mind, and with every one, the devil reminded me: You are not in control. You have no ability to direct your future. Your whole life will be ruined, and there's nothing you can do about it.

You see, he will find your biggest dream. When he finds that, he'll infuse it with fear and turn it into your worst nightmare. Then, he'll find a half-truth that makes his lie just believable enough for you to swallow it.  

Then, once you've bitten and swallowed, he'll come right behind and slam you with hopelessness: This is how it is, this is how it's always going to be, and you're never going to get out. Give up.

The devil has no new tricks. If he can get us to incapacitate ourselves with fear, he doesn't have to use any other strategies. He doesn't have to oppose us in any other way, because we'll have done ourselves in. He's right: we don't have as much control over our futures as we tend to think. There is One who does, and the enemy would love for us to distrust Him. If we do, we will never even attempt to go after God's purposes for us, because we'll believe lies about Him and about ourselves.

This is not mental illness or anxiety or depression. I've never suffered from any of those. Those are legit issues that people have, and they should be addressed medically. But this was something else. This was an attack of the enemy. He knows I'm getting close to my purpose, to the fulfillment of my dreams. He can't stand the thought. So he started throwing every fear he could think of in my face to see if he could take me down.

But--NOT THIS GIRL. Keep reading the story.

The fears that have come over me the past few weeks are ridiculous. They are nightmares, the opposite of anything God would have for me. They indirectly accuse God: He has nothing good for you. He is going to leave you and allow your dreams to be destroyed. The fear and the hopelessness were literally sickening--like, my body actually felt the stress. My mind would receive a thought, then think and think and think about it until it was all I could think about. I would spin around the circle of thoughts, trying to reason my way out, trying to find hope, and just ending back up where I started.

It was terrible. It was torture. I now have compassion on those who have suffered with this all their lives. 

When you look at them objectively, the lies that were coming to me actually seem pretty ridiculous. But there was just enough half-truth in there to make them seem very, very real--like everything about my future was definite, and none of it was good. And I believed that they were my own ideas. 

But they weren't. And they definitely weren't God's. I didn't know that, though, until I finally heard a lie that was so ludicrous that I said, "Wait a second....." 

It was like that point in a movie when the villain, in order to get the hero to join forces with him, is pretending to be something he's not, and the hero is beginning to buy it....until the villain slips and says something that reveals his true hand.

And my response was, "Oh. No. You. DIDN'T!"

It was then that I realized what frequency I had been listening to.

The Lord doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind (1:7). I used to say that verse over and over as a kid. Fear is a spirit. And it's not God's spirit. He would never give you that. 

But somebody else would.

So if you're experiencing paralyzing fear and incapacitating hopelessness, know that those things are coming from a source that not only isn't God, but that has already been defeated. I know it seems very, very real in this moment. It looks like the truth. But it's not.

The very area where you're attacked, where you feel weakest, is probably your greatest strength and holds the key to your purpose.

If you're struggling with sexual thoughts, you probably have a powerful marriage ministry and a deep capacity for relational intimacy and acceptance. If you are struggling with anxiety, you probably have a ministry of faith and peace. If you have experienced thoughts of unforgiveness and bitterness towards others, you are probably meant to be a powerful example of the ministry of reconciliation. If you are battling feelings of unworthiness to be loved, you probably have the greatest servant-love ministry the world has ever seen. Think about it. Think about where you've sinned and fallen short the most, where you've felt the most insecurity. Somebody has been lying to you. He can get you to sin in these areas because he's already fed you a lie in your mind. Count it all joy to be persecuted by the enemy, because it just confirms your purpose.

Are you getting free just reading this? I hope so. That was my intention.

I heard a pastor last weekend give a great sermon on being a soldier and keeping your eyes forward, on Jesus. He told a story about an owl he saw flying by his car. The owl was just cruising, and a mockingbird came up and started chirping and squawking and generally annoying the owl. When the owl landed, the mockingbird just kept up relentlessly, buzzing all around the owl's head--but the owl just stared straight ahead.

The pastor said that the Lord told him, "See the wisdom of the owl."

An owl knows that a mockingbird is absolutely no threat to him. He isn't even worth the trouble of turning his head.

Our enemy tries to parade himself as something scary--prowling about "like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Peter 5:8)...In other words, he has no bite, but he's looking to see who will believe in his roar. And his major battlefield with Christians is our minds. 

But once you know whom you're dealing with, the lies are actually kind of funny. Now, when he comes to me with something ridiculous, I declare the opposite out loud (just to annoy him back). And when he accuses me, I get to laugh and say, "I know you are, but what am I?" Then just keep moving. I know who I am. I know where I'm going. And I'm not going to give in to his lies that would keep me from that purpose. I am not going to engage, listen, and act upon his negativity. 

I refuse to submit to the devil's dreams for my life. He doesn't have a say. He doesn't get to plan my future. That privilege belongs only to my Father, who is good, and whose plans for me are good. The best, in fact. 

I'm not saying I'll never hear those lies again--on the contrary, I'm sure the enemy will try over and over to get me to bite them. I'm sure he has a long, relentless, and annoying plan to pester me, just like a mockingbird. But I am no longer afraid of his schemes. I am not afraid of what he wants to do to me. I belong to Jesus. And NOTHING can separate me from His love, no matter what happens (Romans 8:31).

If you're struggling, don't be ashamed. God is not afraid of your struggles. And He's right there with you. And you're definitely not alone as far as humanity is concerned--Adam and Eve fell for the tricks, and they walked with God every single day in the Garden. And I'm not belittling your struggle. I know--I KNOW--it is hard. I know the lies seem real, especially if you've heard them all your life. The weight of them feels crushing. 

But we have ALL been there. One thing I've learned through this process is that other believers will have your back. When I was unable to fight for myself, others came up next to me and swung their weapons at the enemy--and their prayers are powerful. If you're going through spiritual warfare, the last thing you should do is isolate yourself. Find believers you can trust and get them to fight with you. We are much stronger together. 

You see, my life is not a product of the devil's worst nightmare. In fact, I am his worst nightmare. And so are you. 

In the words of a great modern-day sage: "You can run and tell THAT, homeboy!"