Saturday, August 17, 2013

Singing through the Lump

And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground.—Isaiah 42:16

So…I did it last week, finally. I cried. I admit it.

People have said, “Wow, DC is a cool place—you’ll have lots of fun!” Maybe it is a cool place. But it sure doesn’t look that way when you have to wake up in the dark in order to be on time, or when your commute is stressful and time-consuming. You’re visualizing everything that could go wrong at work and you haven’t even gotten past job training yet. You get lost in what has been named the worst traffic in the country. And even if you do something fun in the city, it doesn’t matter a lick unless you have someone close to you to enjoy it with.

And it doesn’t help if you haven’t had a really good cup of coffee in a long while.

I know—first world problems, right?

But deeper than all of those little physical “problems” is the fact that I desperately miss my people. I’d rather be doing things with my parents and brothers and sister than anyone else. And I miss my church family, young people who will sit down and put their hands on me and pray for me, if I need it. People who are not afraid to touch me.

The reason I cried last week was because I visited a new church. I liked it, but it wasn’t exactly right. Once you’ve had that family connection to a church, it’s hard to accept anything less. I know, I know, I only tried it once, so I really shouldn’t judge this particular congregation so fast, but the whole experience just reminded me how much I wanted instant connection…instant family.

Driving back from church, I stopped for gas, and I was so desperate that I asked some random people at the gas station where they went to church. They were nice people, about my age, dressed in Sunday best. They gave me some recommendations. But then I got back into my car and accidentally drove to Maryland, and (after I asked some random guys at a random car show for directions) I heard this song on the radio about somebody desperately wanting to know God’s will, and that’s when I cried. I tried to make a joyful noise and worship, but the lump in my throat just wouldn’t let me. And I even cried later on the phone with my mom, walking through my neighborhood. Luckily the neighbors weren’t out.

This morning I got all emo and turned to 1 Peter so I could whine about “suffering.” 1 Peter is the go-to book if you feel like you’re facing trials. Even if they are first-world trials.

To those who are elect exiles of the dispersion in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia, according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, in the sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and for sprinkling with his blood: May grace and peace be multiplied to you.—1 Peter 1:1

Right away, I noticed (for the first time) that this letter is to “the elect exiles of the dispersion.” I identified with that immediately. Ok, maybe I am not a missionary in Asia driven from my home and hiding from persecutors. But I do feel pretty exiled. I feel as though I have been dispersed, a word that brings to mind separation from family and familiarity.

But check it: according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, in the sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ—and here’s the kicker—for the sprinkling with his blood. Peter is telling them that they may be exiles, but God knew about this from the start. As a matter of fact, they were out there because they were obedient to Christ—who had sealed them (keep in mind, this is the Prince of Peace, the Lord of Lords, the first and last, the ruler of all) with HIS OWN blood.

I wasn’t sure if Peter understood about commuting and coffee, but I kept reading.

Verse 3-4: …According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

You know, just in case you were wondering about that inheritance thing…it’s eternal. Unlike your life on earth. We get a new life—or, as Paul would put it, “that which is truly life” (1 Timothy 6:19). This is a “living hope.” Which explains why Peter uses the word “rejoice”—in the present tense—in the next verse.

Rejoice. Not really the word I would use to describe my feeble, tearful attempt to worship in the car on the way back from my accidental detour into Maryland.

(For those of you who are wondering, Maryland is visible from DC. So it is not as far as it sounds. I’m just being dramatic.)

Then Peter continues about “various trials,” going on about how we are “tested by fire”…you know, all the things you want to hear if you are feeling sorry for yourself (and if you think that getting up at 5:20 a.m. falls under the “tested by fire” category). But then he says something interesting: Though you have not seen him, you love him.

This is coming from a man who had seen Jesus; who had, in fact, been His most intimate friend when He walked the earth, and had seen Him when he came back from the dead.

Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

You do not now see him, not in this moment, not in these trials. But you believe in him. And it is in the rejoicing over this hope that we obtain the salvation of our souls.

There’s that word again: rejoice.

Not only do we rejoice, we are filled with the kind of joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory.
I have to wonder how these words must have sounded to the exiled missionaries Peter was writing to, men and women who had been obedient to their calling and were likely were spilling blood, sweat, and tears every day for their faith. They could sing because, in their new eternal lives, although their bodies would perish, their spirits actually couldn’t be killed. To people who were probably being hunted, this was reason enough for joy inexpressible.

D.C. isn’t some evil city or anything, but it is a place where I’ve heard the name of Jesus used as a swear word at least 20 times in the past week. In other words, it’s just like the rest of the world. So when I, an exile from the spiritual nest of my parents and church family, hear the words of Peter, I feel encouraged.

Physically, I don’t feel my best or look my best. Let’s be real: my hair looks crappy. My eating habits have been off, I’m losing my tan, my clothes are always wrinkled, and my face is breaking out. My body is confused by my sleep schedule. Between intense workdays and commutes, and living with relatives, I feel like I don’t ever really have a true, honest-with-myself moment alone, or with the Lord. (My relatives are awesome, generous, and a blessing, but it’s not like having my home territory completely my own like I have for two years before.) My whole life is like a hotel. It’s almost like I am a perpetual traveler, someone always on my feet and strapped to a backpack, far from everything familiar and having to adjust myself by the day, and never really finding rest.

Oh yeah…that’s probably how missionaries feel.

And how Jesus Himself felt. Because I am adopted by way of His blood, the way that I feel like an exile is the same way He did: a Son of the living God, stranded in a dead world that doesn’t understand the meaning of the word rejoice.  

Talk about not getting any rest. Jesus was wandering around here with a bunch of guys who woke Him up from much-needed sleep with their cries of, “Jesus! Help us! We’re about to die!”

And when he got into the boat, his disciples followed him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep. And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.—Matthew 8:23-26

Jesus wasn’t sleeping on the job. He was just trying to get a little rest…Dude was tired, ok? But even more than that, He trusted His Father. He knew the plan from start to finish, and He knew He wasn’t destined to die in a boat on a dinky little sea. (He knew exactly how He would die, in fact.) He could rest, because He knew who was in control.

Peter saw Him, and went and woke Him up, because he was afraid. But we do not even see Him, and yet we love Him. More than our physical bodies are saved from the storm; the outcome of our faith is the salvation of our souls.

Let’s revisit the very first lines of 1 Peter again:

To those who are elect exiles of the dispersion in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia, according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, in the sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and for sprinkling with his blood: May grace and peace be multiplied to you. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! He is in control. He’s got His eye on the ship. And it is not going down. I mean, especially if you followed Him into the boat, which is apparently what the disciples did. And what I have done. I know I am not preaching on another continent or running Bibles into China or rescuing children out of slavery. But I know for a fact that I have been called here.

Check out the link at the bottom of this post for an awesome song. It’s about wanting to stay in a comfortable place in a little nook of Jesus’ glory, but being called higher by God.  Story of my life, right? I could sit in a comfortable place with my Bible on my lap, with plenty of sleep and complete control of my schedule, and I would grow…but in verse 13, 1 Peter says, Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Prepare your minds for action. Being still is very important (it is what Jesus told the storm—or the disciples, however you choose to view it—to do), and we should never compromise on time being still and communing with the Lord. But we also must move. We must set our hope fully on salvation. We must step onto the boat.

The bridge of the song says: “And I will be yours, Lord/I will be yours for all my life.”

As painful as early mornings are, and as out-of-control as I feel, in my heart of hearts, I would rather be His than my own. I would rather have that which is truly life. And so I guess I must learn to sing through the lump in my throat. What looks like a storm to me is something that Jesus can look at and say, “Peace. Be still.”

Rejoice. And, may grace and peace be multiplied to you.

Oh, and side note: if you pray for opportunities to share your faith with your coworkers, it will happen. It might even be forced to happen, in diversity training, when you are made to go through a list of touchy subjects and discuss what they mean to you, religion included.


Just fyi.

I seriously want to join this band.

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