Grasshoppers

So, before I even begin, I want to thank the Lord for what He has done for me this week.

My direct supervisor at work is not much older than I am, yet I have been slightly intimidated by her and at the same time very curious about her. Ironically, because I actually had problems at my site (more about that later), she came to visit me this week much more frequently than she would have otherwise, and we were able to share a great conversation. I found out that, not only is she a Christian, she was raised in the same charismatic atmosphere I was, and she loves digging into the Word and hearing the gospel, and she also thrives on Christian community—which is not AT ALL what I expected. Don’t you remember when I complained about how secular this city was? Here is a person, right in the heart of it, who seeks after the Lord like I do—and who will be working closely with me, so that these kids can not only receive the benefit of great instruction, but also the benefit of our prayers of agreement (whether we’re allowed to actually pray together or not).

Sometimes the Lord has to bring somebody 1,000 miles in order to connect them with the work they will be doing, and the people they need to do it with. You know, when my mom said the Lord told her I’d be “working alongside people in DC to accomplish His work,” I assumed He meant volunteering in my spare time.

But God is more literal, often, than people give Him credit for.

I was also able this week to hang out with and get to know a girl who will be leading a Bible study in a couple weeks; the way she describes it, the group is full of women who have the same passion and goals as I do, so more friends are in store.

And speaking of community, I have been struggling this past week with issues of selfishness and self-focus, and my same old sins have been trying to creep back and bring me down; so I knew I needed perspective and grounding, and I prayed this morning for my community. I said, “Lord, I can’t wait for a couple weeks until small groups start…I need them now. I need people who will hold me accountable.” Then I went to church, and my friend group was there waiting for me. Some of the people I went to lunch with last week were having lunch again, so I went with them…and we ended up hanging out for six hours. We were all seeking community—and we all found it. We talked about everything, especially about the Lord. We’re hanging out again tomorrow. It was like my friend group was one of those little capsules you put in water, and suddenly it turns into a dinosaur-shaped sponge. It grew instantly.

Ok, maybe that’s a weird metaphor…but you know what I mean. I asked God for a group of friends; and He smiled and said, “Ok, you can have that.” More often than we dare hope, God’s answers to prayer are immediate.

Even as I write this, I am realizing how much I qualify God’s blessings. I don’t want to set them down here, because I am afraid they will not be what I expect them to be—that this friend group will fall apart, or something crazy will happen at work and my boss will hate me. Which is insane. I need to accept the fact that God is faithful.

Which launches me straight into the rest of my post.

But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”—Matthew 14:26-27

Fear not. It’s a commandment, not a suggestion.

So in my last post, I referenced the story in Matthew 8 that describes the disciples rousing Jesus from sleep when they thought their boat was sinking. This week I reached another story in Matthew 14. Both are stories of storms and boats. Both times, the disciples followed Jesus onto a boat; and both times, they completely freaked out when the storm came. But something is different about this second storm: Jesus walked on water, right in the middle of the raging wind.

Not only were the disciples anxious about the storm, they were also “terrified” when they saw Jesus approach them on the water. I’m kind of feeling the disciples here. I mean, it was probably pretty weird, and they were probably afraid to believe it. But our good friend Peter leaps up, as usual: “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water,” he exclaims (verse 28). Those are pretty strong words. If it is you, command me.

Well, we all know what happens next, right? You’re like, “Yeah—he sinks.” But something happened in between: Peter got all the way to Jesus on the water. I don’t know if it was a distance of a yard or 25 yards, but in any case, he managed just fine until “he saw the wind.”

I don’t know about you, but I have never seen the wind. Sure, the effects of wind are scary—but clearly Peter was having no trouble at all, and then he thought about what could happen. He got a mouthful of saltwater, and Jesus grabbed him by the hand and said, “Why did you doubt?”

Jump back to verse 28: If it is you, command me. When Jesus asked Peter why he doubted, what He was saying was perhaps not, “Why did you doubt my ability to save you?” Peter obviously did not have a problem with that—he cried out to Jesus to save him.  What Peter doubted was who Jesus was.

And just who is He?

He is the sole expression of the glory of God [the Light-being, the out-raying or radiance of the divine], and He is the perfect imprint and very image of [God’s] nature, upholding and maintaining and guiding and propelling the universe by His mighty word of power.—Hebrews 1:3 (Amplified)

….Yeah.

We can make fun of Peter all we want (which the other disciples might have done), but the truth is, we’ve all been in his place before—if we’ve had the courage to step out of the boat. Or (going back even further in the text) if we’ve had the courage to even follow Jesus onto the boat in the first place. Like the wind, the possibilities for pain, for suffering, are scarier when we can’t even see them—when the effects haven’t even happened yet.

Take a look back at the Old Testament. When the Lord told the Israelites to go and take the land that He had promised them, they sent out spies to get a feel for it, whose report was less than promising: And there we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak, who come from the Nephilim), and we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them.—Numbers 13:33

The Israelites have one up on Peter here, because at least they could see the people they would be up against, instead of being terrified of wind. But again, they were afraid of things that hadn’t happened yet. The Lord commanded them to go and get the land, just as Jesus commanded Peter to step out of the boat (at his own request, need I remind you). The Israelites’ response? They complained that they seemed to themselves like grasshoppers. They were looking at the whole thing from a human perspective—and forgetting who God was.

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.—Philippians 4:5-8

I showed up for my first day at my school this Monday, and when I got there, the room that my program manager had spent 9 hours setting up was filled with afterschool care’s stuff. Like, boxes and boxes of it. Coincidentally, this was also a surprise to the afterschool staff, who were not told anything about it. People had taken a lot of our supplies. And someone had literally gone into my room, took the books off of my bookcase, and stole it. (I had to go get it back, of course—nobody messes with my Dr. Seuss!)

I have worked in schools before, so I wasn’t surprised. My peace here was a mercy to me. What looked at first to be a disaster actually has worked to my benefit, I think…I have met people in the school in the process of getting it worked out that I wouldn’t have dealt so closely with otherwise. Important people, like the principal and the custodial staff. (If you have ever worked in a school, you know that both parties are at least equally important.) As I mentioned before, I got time to bond with my program manager. Also, afterschool had to get rid of a lot of their supplies—and, hey, just so happens, we needy nonprofit workers were there to accept them with open arms. Not to mention that now I have a great working relationship with the afterschool staff, a bond forged through the experience of sorting through boxes full of mixed-up supplies.

He makes all things work together for our good, right?

You know how a couple weeks ago I accidentally went to Maryland, and I cried in my car? Last Friday I had to drive to a different site, which was in the Anacostia neighborhood of DC…and I had to take the same bridge to get there that I accidentally drove on the other weekend. So it was familiar to me, and I didn’t get lost. I mentioned this to my coworker friend, who is also a Christian, and he chuckled and said, “Jeremiah 29.”

Indeed.

I prayed over my day Wednesday, over everyone in my school, and it just so happened that everyone was exactly where I needed them. I showed up in the office for something, and the IT guy (who can be hard to find) just happened to be in there working on a computer, so I asked him about my printer.  

Getting the picture? God works in the little things.

Because I can see His hand in so many small things, I begin to wonder how many little details He has His hand in that I don’t see—how many times a day He works things out for me, knocks obstacles out of my way, makes things smoother for me, while I walk around oblivious to His careful attention behind the scenes. Like a sheep, I don’t understand how much thought goes into my care. I only want to complain about how I look to myself like a grasshopper.

Now I understand even better the verse I posted last week: And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground.—Isaiah 42:16

The Lord—the Light-being—is at hand. He grabs us and pulls us up out of the ocean, when our own fear makes us drown.

Again: …in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. “With thanksgiving” implies that you attribute to God (rather than coincidence or luck) the blessings that have already befallen you, and you believe with wholehearted faith that you can thank Him already for blessing you with the requests you will make.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. It seems ironic that “peace” would “guard” our hearts and minds—implying military watch, vigilant shielding. But it makes perfect sense. Let your heart and your mind, where anxious thoughts like to stagnate, and doubts like to stew, be shielded with peace.

Think only about good things. Know that your Lord goes before you, and that He cares about very small things.

Even grasshoppers.